My wonderful and generous mother wanted to take her husband, and her nice children (ungrateful son included) and their significant others on a family vacation. She chose to take us on a Carnival Fun Ship Cruise to the Caribbean.

I'm up for anything, but after having read David Foster Wallace's title essay from his book "A Supposedly Fun Thing I'll Never Do Again," I was a little suspicious. My mother pointed out after I made the reference, that I should instead say "A Supposedly Fun FREE Thing I'll Never Do Again." Point taken. I can still poke fun, though. Can't I?

Anyhow, it was agreed that we'd meet in Port Canaveral, Florida, and embark on a week-long voyage of pampering and over-eating.

Do I look excited here?

After getting on board and to our cabin we had to prepare for the safety drill. This amounted to us standing on deck wearing our life vests. It also allowed us to get a good look at the other passengers on board.

I think there had been a special offer in the NASCAR Belt for this cruise, as many mullets and handlebar mustaches were on hand, with requisite gaudy NASCAR merchandise on head and body.

I think Lisa looks smashing in orange. Don't you?

After the safety drill we decided to look around the ship. Here we found some camels in the casino.

Camels are fun. So are clanging slot machines and chain-smoking 70-year-olds.

I think the thing that struck us immediately about the Carnival Fun Ship Glory, was the decor. It has a kaleidoscopic amalgamation of varying patterns and colors that totally overwhelms the senses.

This is the Amber Palace, where bingo and "Vegas-Style Revues" take place. It looks like it could be the Starship Liberace.

Here is some evidence of the mish-mash of patterns and colors. Lisa, as you can see here, is a bit overwhelmed.

It seems as though there was no thought put into what pattern went next to what color or style or material. It looks as though it was just thrown together at random. Not the case. There is someone who is actually to blame for this abomination. His name is Joe Farcus. There has got to be something wrong with him.

I think this combination is actually meant to confuse and disorient.

Strangely enough, though, after about 4 days being surrounded by this kind of visual overload, I didn't notice it that much. Scary.

Wow!

This is up on the top deck, where a couple of guys played reggae and Jimmy Buffet tunes, which people would then dance to. There was also a water slide, which was pretty fun.

We had been on the boat for about an hour. I was surprised to see people already having "fun." They didn't waste any time.

Here's Fun Ship Freddy! You couldn't get away from photographers on the ship, nor on the excursions (as you'll see below). The photos would then be available for purchase in the "gallery."

After dinner on the first night, we went with Faye (mom) and Mike (her husband) to the Vegas-Style Revue.

Holy Cannoli! It was bizarre. I felt kind of embarrassed for the dancers as they jutted out their hips and twisted and contorted. It didn't seem natural.

But boy, did they ever make the stage sizzle.

Sexy Charleston!

Our first port of call was Key West, where the aforementioned Jimmy Buffet found his calling.

The Disney ship, seen here in front of Key West, would shadow us the entire trip.

Like cattle lined up for the slaughter, we waited to get off the boat.

The photographers taking pictures as people disembarked laughed as we made these faces. Why can't we be serious for once?!

"Cruisers" out cruising for t-shirts and do-dads.

We found a bar and had some frozen drinks.

Mike and Faye at dinner.

Debbie (sister) and Becky at dinner. By the looks on their faces something amazing was happening. I don't know what.

Lisa had to touch-up her toes, getting ready for our first Fun Day At Sea! I think we tried staying drunk all day.

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